I think I can smell my own vagina right now
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Is Oprah even human
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
