Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
