even my farts smell like vagina
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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