i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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