What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
