is wine microwaveable?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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