i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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