He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
