I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
