So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
