i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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