Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
