whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
