I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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