Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
