your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
