Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I would ride that face into the sunset
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize