after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
