Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
