I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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