This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
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This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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