wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
