I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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