hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
