No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
