Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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