I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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