it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize