if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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