She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
