don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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