So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
