everyone is single if you try hard enough
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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