Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
