i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize