I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
