Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
