she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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