Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
