Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
