I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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