The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
