Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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