You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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