Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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