her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
