Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
