Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
