is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
