just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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