didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
