It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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