my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
