I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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