I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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