If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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