aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
