Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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