Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
