Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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