where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
