i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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