my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
