Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you didnt know i had herpes?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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