Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
