dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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