my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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